Rant of the Day

Being single sucks. The people who are in committed relationships or are married should feel lucky because dating, dating blows. Let's just call it. The thought of finding someone and getting to know them seems all great and exciting but really its just an anxiety ridden moment in time where you end up acting like a crazy person. Should I ask him this? It is okay for me to wear this? How interested is he in me? Do I text him first today? Should I text him at all? Should I call him? He hasn't asked me out in a week so that must mean he has found someone else. Am I being too needy? I should probably go workout and lose a few pounds. UGH!!! I never feel as unsure and unhappy as I am when I am single. I know it should be a time to take to enjoy yourself and learn and grow and all that bullshit but really, its a time that I end up feeling ugly and unwanted. It totally totally blows. 

I am a master at ruining new beginnings. I'm the little girl who gets a new puppy and loves its so much that I end up strangling it. Yup, I am one of those "clingy" girls. It's disgusting and believe me, no one hates it more than me. But I get so excited to take care of someone and spend my time with them that I get overwhelmed with emotion and lose control of my actions. It's terrible. If there was ever someone who was to win a contest at ruining good things, that would be this girl folks! To all of you happily attached people....I'm jealous and congratulations, its rough out here. 

It is apparently really hard to find someone who you can home to and will listen to your ups and downs and actually want to see you and makes you feel loved and needed. Whats a girl gotta do! And timing my friends really truly is everything. It's like all the stars have to line up for things to work out. 

On a good note. I started my CNA program last week and I think I will do pretty well. I am about to do some studying actually. I think I may just completely throw myself in to school and work and try to come to terms with the fact that I will most likely end up an old maid with somewhere around 10 dogs to keep me company...and my mother, my mother thinks I'm special. 

Well, that's my rant for the day. Anyone know any handsome single men that like crazy women with good intentions?

Tired...Tir...Ti...zzzzzzzz

Holy shit balls! Pardon my language. None of my healthcare friends were kidding about their facilitates/hospitals/whatever always being under staffed or them being overworked. I don't think I have been this tired in years, if ever. 

It all started on Sunday with a 10:45pm to 7:15am shift followed by a 2:45pm to 11:15pm shift than quickly followed by a 6:45am to 8pm shift and this type of schedule is what I have been doing for the last 2 months. There's a great personal accomplishment or a feel good feeling you get from helping someone who needs your help because they are unable to help themselves and after working this job for a short period of time I know I love it, well most of it. 

After cleaning up bodily fluids and poking and prodding people in their most intimate places I kept thinking to myself, Idaho's minimum wage is definitely not enough for this. It's rewarding but I need to quickly get past this CNA thing and on to my RN so I can actually start making a paycheck that covers all my bills! That's a whole other stress and issue...bills...I have too many. 

I don't know how I have the energy to even write this post. But I somehow have caught a ninth wind and can't calm my stupid effing brain! Soooo I think I will put on my favorite movie (Julie and Julia, love it!) and work on this awesome crochet scarf with the most adorable colors (I will post pictures when I am done) and try to get some R&R because tomorrow I very luckily only have to work 3 hours. Whew! 

Disclaimer: I am fully aware that everyone has hard crap to deal with in their lives, but like I said in my first post, this is a place for venting! So if you have some stresses and bugaboo's please post them below, maybe we can all gain comfort in each others miseries! 

The Change Up

So the thing about me is that I am a little crazy. Let's just get that out of the way right off the bat. I am constantly all over the place with everything, my life, my hobbies, my dating life, my location of residence, my blogs (this is like my 5th one that I've started) and my education. 

I'm one of those 26 year olds where most of my friends have or are getting their lives together and starting families and I am over here in my own little bubble tripping over myself trying to figure things out. I always have tons of plans but they rarely pan out and I often put stuff off I don't want to deal with because I keep hoping that by ignoring it "it" will go away, but as I am sure you have guessed, that literally has never happened. Ignoring stuff just makes the situation worse, I really need to work on that. 

This blog originally started out as a crafting/crocheting blog. I sew and crochet mostly but I do other crap too. But I quickly realized that my life is a little crazy to keep up with consistent posts about projects that I sometimes don't have the time to finish. SO now it is just a blog in which I talk about my sometimes not so interesting life and pretend like it is important and people want to read about it. HA! Isn't that what blogs are all about anyways? Well we will see, I'd like to think of this as a live journal and perhaps we can all complain together and hopefully figure things out along the way!

Currently it is almost 2am and I am at work at the nursing home I work at. The overnight shift is my favorite. It's easy and I have tons of free time to do stuff like blog and watch movies! It's awesome. I wish I could only work night shifts. I just started here a month ago and its my first job in the healthcare field and I am excited because I hope to be a Nurse/Nutritionist at some point (if I can get my school stuff figured out) but I am not great at it yet because I am new to it and often don't really understand what is going on. It's frustrating. I am however starting a CNA program here in the next week so perhaps by the time I am certified I will finally get with the program here! 

It is sometimes a little stressful because I am handing out pills and if I majorly mess up I could seriously hurt someone. I get worked up about it sometimes because I don't ever want to hurt someone or cause them any pain or discomfort. It can be a little dirty or gross at times but when you have to do something you kind of just get over it. Anyways, here's my first post. I hope to be better about actually keeping up on my posts. They will probably be all over the place in topics I'd like to say I am sorry about that but I'm not. It's who I am, welcome to my brain everyone!