Keeping Up

It is so daunting sometimes thinking about all the things that one has to do to keep things straight and in order to feel on tops of things and organized (that's a lot of "things" in one sentence). Have a chore list, cook ahead to save time, coupon to save money, exercise to look good, study harder to get better grades, spend less to be financially fit, start saving for retirement, find someone to start a life with, keep up on the maintenance of your car, clean out the tubes in your vacuum cleaner so it wont break on you, have a girls night at least once a month so you still feel social, pay your bills, have a good credit score, work on your DIY projects, fix your friends pants, organize your bathroom, grow a garden to have healthy food and cut back on the grocery bill, go grocery shopping, make to-do lists, read books, watch documentaries so you learn something, watch your guilty pleasure tv shows, walk your dogs, train your dogs, get at least 7 hours of sleep, drink 8 glasses of water a day, take some time to relax (yeah right), etc etc etc....omg I want to cry after just writing that!! How is one supposed to do all the things you are supposed to do in one day?!

 I mean if you focus on one thing, lets say exercise. I want to get in better shape an be healthier but by spending extra time going to the gym and planning workouts one of those other things will suffer. I feel like no matter what you do one thing in your life will always be lacking. For me it's mostly sleep that ends up taking a back seat which in turn makes me tired and cranky and sick so I can't do the things I meant to do when I decided not to sleep in the first place. You following me or am I too far out there now? Anyways, I am not saying I am the only one who experiences this and I don't even have kids or a boyfriend/husband! Oy to think of what some of you have to go through, I don't know how the people with families do it! There's just never enough time and our culture has glorified being busy so I always feel like I need to be doing something. Always moving always working. It's exhausting.

I think I am having a prolonged anxiety attack, not a huge one all at once but a slow painful drawn out attack that just lingers above my head at all times. Its stressful. I really need to figure out how to be a better adult because right now, even with my planner and my million and one to-do lists I can't quite help but feel like I am failing miserably. Anyone else feeling this way? Anyone feel like they suck at being an adult? Can't we just cut out all this extra shit that we feel like we have to do to impress other people and make it seem like we have perfect lives? I just want to do nothing but by doing nothing that makes me "lazy" and is generally frowned upon. I don't think I'm cut out to be an American. I think I belong somewhere that moves at a slower pace and puts less value on things such as being productive and staying busy and always reaching for more. Italy maybe? I don't know. I don't even have a passport, I should work on that. Anyways, that's all for now.

Screw It

Screw it! It's late, I am pulling an all night shift at work and had an extremely emotional day today in the ways of men. I am so sick of putting my all in to things and getting nothing but scraps and a bunch of "I'm to busy for a relationship"s. So screw it, actually fuck it. Yup that's where I am at. No one that I love wants my love so I guess I will just focus on my work, school and working out like hell at the gym.

I hate it when my guy friends always say nice guys finish last. Well you know what. Nice girls finish last too. What the eff is wrong with my generation? Everyone is so afraid of commitment and the men rarely treat a woman how they are supposed too and I get so many surprised looks or comments when I am actually treat them well. And most of them freak out about it and bail. Who doesn't want to be treated with respect and love!? It's all messed up. Living in a stupid college town doesn't help either. This is a complete rant but I'm tired, pissy and feeling used so pardon my harsh tone and my vulgar language. Hope all of you are having better luck than I am!